I don’t often dream, and when I do, my dreams are so off-the-charts bazaar that I rarely share them, assuming I remember it in the first place. Yesterday, I took an evening nap after work, which was one that resulted in response to day #2 of a pretty severe migraine. Dosed up with a serious amount of ibuprofen and my head plastered on a heating pad, I feel into a really deep sleep, and had one of the most vivid, intense dreams of my life.
I really don’t know why I am sharing this, however the dream was so vivid, even the smallest details are haunting me today. Prepare yourself for something truly bazaar, packed with, what I can only assume, are really deep psychological meanings, metaphors and messages. I remembered well enough when I awoke to write a it out in great detail, and I will share it here.
If you are affected by morbid themes, or posts completely irrelevant to everything else I write about, it may be advised not to read further:
The dream started out with my husband and I dressed up formally, making entrance to the door of a private party in a public place. It appeared to be a nightclub in a large shopping mall. As we made our way to the door, we were refused entrance because my husband had posted something offensive in an online forum. He was very upset and angered by this, and we turned into the mall to find a place to sit down and eat. We found a restaurant within the mall, took to a booth and awaited service. It took a long time to receive service, so I laid down in the booth to catch a quick nap. I didn’t lay in the booth like you would think, as I laid on my stomach with my feet on the bench on the other side with my head on the bench I was sitting on. Shortly after, I sat up as a male waiter arrived and began piling the table with appetizer type foods. Chicken strips, fries and other “bar food” type appetizers. This appeared to be a classy restaurant, with dark wood decor and brass trim rails, much like the old Bennegin’s restaurants. An unknown male joined us at the table and started snacking with us. Although I didn’t recognize him, it was someone we knew within the dream.
At this point, we got up to leave. It seemed sudden, as I recall crudely grabbing some of the chicken strips and fries in my hands. All of a sudden, my husband and I were sitting in the back seat of one of my husband’s friend’s cars. I recall an image of the chicken nuggets and fries sitting in my lap, directly on my formal dress as we were sitting in the car. The unknown male entity was sitting in the front seat.
My husband’s friend was driving fast, and rather erratically. We were on a highway, driving by the outskirts of an airport where there were a lot of parked airplanes, and I recall recognizing it as Sacramento. I even recall speaking out in the dream pointing out that we were in Sacramento. (I live in Denver, but the company I work for is based in Sacramento. I travel there on occasion). Because of the erratic driving, my husband was feeling a little sick, so I urged his friend to pull over. He refused and took an exit into a really dense city. I kept asking him to stop or find a bathroom, but he wanted us to wait until he got to his destination. We were in a downtown area and saw another large mall. His friend erratically drove into an underground parking garage under the mall, whipping around corners. As we pulled into the garage, I saw a door for a bathroom and asked him to stop and let my husband out, which he did. His friend then proceeded to pull into a parking space a few down from the bathroom door and quickly exit the car.
As I got out of the car, I heard a woman crying in pain down the parking row and walked towards it. There was a spot at the end of the parking row that looked like a loading dock. The ramp sloped down, and there was a puddle of water in it. A woman laid there on her stomach reaching towards me crying for help. I went down to help her and asked a woman who was walking by to call for an ambulance. I helped the woman up, and she had a little bit of road dirt and mud on her from the puddle. She was wearing a striped t-shirt and shorts with long dark brown wavy hair. I walked her toward the entrance of the parking garage to wait for the ambulance and along the way, I kept asking her questions about what happened, and specifically remember thinking it was odd that she had no trouble walking. I don’t recall getting a clear answer. As we walked out to the sidewalk, I noticed the street was full of pedestrians and many shops. It was almost dirty, rather 3rd world looking, and yet there were many nicer shops, arcades and bars on this particular strip. (My husband and I recently visited Mexico and spent a couple of hours in Playa Del Carmen. It had that same feel). It was getting dark and the street had many large trees around where we were standing.
I sat with her on a bench, and I realized I had a backpack on and was wearing jeans and a jacket. A young man sat next to me briefly and I recall him bumping my backpack in an odd way before he left. I was talking to her for quite awhile, and right at the point when I was telling her I was from Denver, she immediately began to sell me something. I don’t recall what, but I knew right then that the whole injured woman act was a charade and I got up and started walking away from her. She was urging me to come back and talk to her, but I was suddenly filled with fear, and made my way inside the mall that was along the street to make an escape.
It was nighttime at this point and inside this mall were many bars, empty bars and a dance class was occurring in one. There were many staircases, and I made my way through them trying to find a way back to the parked car. This took a long time. I looked through many doors and windows trying to find a clear path. I found one door that led out to a sidewalk area where many young men were skateboarding. I tried to use my phone, but it had no service and I couldn’t get on the Internet. It was also plagued with pop up ads in an Asian language. I took my iPad out of my backpack and found the same thing happening. I remembered the young man sitting next to me and thought that he must have did something to disable my devices when he bumped my backpack. The fear intensified, and everyone looked at me in a way that they were in on something. I couldn’t trust anyone.
I finally found a garage door out the back of the mall and made my way out. The landscape was more tropical, but still had a 3rd world feeling and it was daylight. There was a pool with many people, who all looked like American tourists. Behind me, the woman was there again, but this time she was dressed in jeans, a leather jacket and was cleaned up. She again urged me to talk to her, and I briskly walked away towards the pool. As I walked by the packed pool, many of the people were looking at me with the same look of fear that I possessed. Some even tried to grab my legs in desperation. There was a run down 1960s looking Dexter style 3 story apartment building near the pool, and I made my way up to the row of doors that made up the second floor. I found an open window and crawled in looking for help.
When I got in, there was an older man (who I think was Kris Kristofferson) in a Hawaiian shirt and very bare bones apartment. He had a toddler girl with him and I felt he was her grandfather. The toddler girl was about 2 and was my stepdaughter (who is currently 8). I knew then that I was in the past. I asked to use the phone and he told me I definitely did not want to be outside. In a way, I felt he knew me. I picked up the phone and dialed a number. At that moment, I had a memory of receiving a voicemail in the dream. A voicemail days before of a woman crying and leaving a frantic message. When I received a voicemail greeting, I left the very same frantic voicemail I remember hearing and hung up the phone. I have no idea whose number I was dialing.
Suddenly, I was in a neighboring apartment, with a bunch of the local people. My stepdaughter was there in the lap of a woman who appeared to be a drug addict. There was another person I recognized, who was one of my ex-bandmates (who is still a friend). We were all sitting on a large sectional sofa. In front of me were 2 clear whiskey jugs full of a golden liquid with 2 red capsules in each and a live frog swimming at the bottom of the jugs. I knew then that it was poison. I turned around to look out the window behind the couch, and noticed that in all of the apartments, someone was being killed. On the bottom floor of the apartment across the way, they made a spectacle of the event; They had a large window and a larger muscular guy was placed out on display with a rather horrifying scene of his eyes being pushed out of the sockets. The whole time he was screaming wondering why everyone watched but nobody helped. I knew I was going to be killed.
I urged them not to give me the poison, telling them logically that I would just vomit and it wouldn’t work. The woman holding my stepdaughter told me she gave my stepdaughter one of the capsules every night to sleep and that they were perfectly safe. I successfully got them to allow me to wait a little longer. After some time, I asked to go to the bathroom. My ex bandmate escorted me and stood there while I went to keep an eye on me. He never said a word, but I could tell he didn’t want to partake in the event. In a few moments after, the main guy brought me a glass of hazy water and forced me to drink it. I tried to allow as much of the water as possible to spill out, but I did ingest at least half of it. I sat on the bathroom floor, knowing that I was just poisoned. I sat relaxed and could see the front door of the apartment. There was a knock, and when they opened the door, I saw my husband, his friend and a 3rd male looking for me. I was relieved, but I heard them speaking and couldn’t make out the words, with the exception of one sentence; The main guy told my husband that I would be dead in moments because he just gave me “God water”.
My stepdaughter was brought into the bathroom to use the toilet and they set her in the toilet, facing the back. She kept stuffing toilet paper into the drain hole of the toilet saying, “dog poopie” over and over again. I remember feeling woozy and unable to move from my location. After that, she was picked up and taken to bed.
I sat on the bathroom floor a little longer, and there was a laptop in front of me that I knew was my husband’s. I typed a note onto it saying goodbye to my 2 biological children, but I recall being unable to spell, so I left the note as it was and asked if I could sit on the balcony to feel the breeze, which they allowed. As I sat cross-legged on the shaky balcony, I could see my husband, his friend and the 3rd male on the grass below me. I was at peace because I felt I was able to say goodbye to him. He mouthed, “Do you know?” and I said, “Yes, I know”. I overhear the main guy telling everyone quietly that I should be dead by now, and a wave of hope came over me. Although I felt really woozy, I felt that it would pass and had hope that I wouldn’t die.
The people in the apartment were preparing for a party, bringing out food onto the balcony and I asked if I felt good enough, could I join. They seemed hesitant, and explained to me that they were required to kill one daily and that my response to the poison was not typical. The woman told me she hated it, but they got used to doing it. Suddenly, my husband and his dad (who I have never met, but he looked like an old drunk Mel Gibson in a dress military uniform) were on the balcony with me. His father asked me to dance with him, and I started to. He said something along the lines that the party was great, and my husband walked over to cut in.
This is when I awoke.
I don’t know what any of it means, if anything, but it is haunting. Ironically, today I was contacted by a member of my last band (of which a member was present in this dream), asking if I wanted to sub in on bass for a show this summer. I have no idea if that is significant. Regardless, I found it interesting to share, for those who enjoy looking into dreams.
Also published on Medium.